How to dominate with pain

Floggers are a good place to begin, because they basically don’t hurt that much. I know that sounds like a pathetic place to start, but there’s a good reason: if you leap straight in with a cane, and have no idea how hard to wield it, just one stroke can end up leaving welts that he doesn’t want, reminding him every time he sits down just how little you know what you’re doing. Floggers, even if wielded with a strong right arm and a bit of determination, don’t tend to hurt that hard. As a cunning way to get around the ‘I don’t want to hurt him beyond what he likes’ scenario, and to introduce the kind of sexy chat that makes me very wet, I like to initiate the ‘pain scale’ game:

“How hard is this, on a scale of one to ten, where ‘one’ is ‘rubbish’ and ‘ten’ is ‘stop’?” *whack*

“Ow. Five.”

“Only five? OK, fuck you, here’s three at a seven to make up for it.” *whack* *whack* *whack*

“Argh. Fuck. That last one was an eight.”

“I know. But you deserved it. Good boy.” (gives three more at an eight)

Slapping is also delightfully fun, because it is an excellent excuse to touch all the sexy bits. Face-slapping: amazing, if he’s up for it, because it combines humiliation with a bit of pain, and can be done while I’m sitting on his dick. Requires explicit consent, though, so how do you do this as a surprise? Piece of piss:

“If you don’t [insert thing you want him to do: say thank you or beg for forgiveness or whatever] I’m going to hit you here [touch face]. OK?”

“OK/Yes ma’am/Fuck no/I’d really rather you didn’t/etc.”

Nipple clamps hurt like a motherfucker (at least, the ones I have do) so as a ‘surprise’ they can be a bit hit and miss. If, like me, you’re worried about putting it in just the right place so it neither falls off nor causes him super-intense end-of-nipple pain, they can be nervewracking. But the beauty of being in the driving seat is that if you’re ever unsure about anything, you can make him do it himself. Genius, right?

“Put these on. Quickly. I haven’t got all fucking day.”

Then make him take the chain in his mouth – because the clamps will give a kick of pain whenever they move, it’s one of the most effective ways of keeping a submissive dude still.

Ball squeezing is one of those deeply dangerous areas. If – like me – you don’t have balls of your own, it’s hard to know exactly what to do with them, There’s clearly a big difference between sexy pain that has him moaning ‘oh please ma’am’ and deeply painful pain that has him rolling on the floor and making retching noises. So yeah – start gently, work your way up. The pain scale here is useful, but you might want to avoid going beyond five, unless he’s told you really explicitly otherwise. And, as I can attest from experience, even the gentlest of flicks is probably not a great idea. I had to buy him Wetherspoons nachos for a week to apologise.